


At Hogwarts We Dab (and cry and dye our hair and piss off our parents)

by RadicalRae



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Draco is in his rebellion phase, F/F, F/M, Harry aka the sassy little shit nugget, He dyes his hair pink, I didn't tag them all, Luna and Hermione help, M/M, Minor Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Oliver is a very patient boyfriend lmao, Percy gets on just to procrastinate, Sirius is kinda awful but Remus forces him to behave, so just popular ones, that would be way too many tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 19:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10703898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RadicalRae/pseuds/RadicalRae
Summary: Hermione makes a group chat for everyone. Everyone knows how technology works (Hermione probably showed them) and Harry is a sassy little shit who don't need a man (or a woman for that matter).Neville never knows what's going on and Luna isn't subtle at all.Also no one dies and Snape is a real live music ho.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Lets just pretend that everyone knows how to use muggle technology. Maybe Hermione taught them or some shit. I just wanted to make something light and funny and not 90% angst like usual.
> 
> The origin of the names:
> 
> Hermione - GrangerDanger
> 
> Ron - QuidditchChamp
> 
> Harry - TheChosenOne
> 
> Fred - The Best
> 
> George - SecondBest
> 
> Ginny - TheWeaslette
> 
> Neville - LetMeBeWithMyPlants
> 
> Luna - QuirkyIsMyAesthetic
> 
> Percy - PerfectPrefectPercy
> 
> Oliver Wood - UCANTCANCELQUIDDITCH
> 
> Draco - PrinceOfSlytherin
> 
> If I missed someone let me know. I might add the "adults" later. Not sure what their usernames would be? Also everyone lives in this fyi.

_GrangerDanger_ added _QuidditchChamp, TheChosenOne, TheBest, SecondBest, LetMeBeWithMyPlants_ and _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ to the group chat.

 _TheChosenOne_ : Hermione what is this.

 _TheBest_ : hey does anyone wanna be our guinea pig we're trying something new

 _GrangerDanger_ : Fred and George are not allowed to scheme on here. It is law.

 _SecondBest_ renamed chat to _It Is Law™_

 _SecondBest_ : aww come one Mione it's not bad

 _QuidditchChamp_ : What's in it for us

 _TheBest_ : absolutely nothing but bragging rights

 _TheChosenOne_ : no one has answered my question what is this.

 _GrangerDanger_ : it's a chat Harry. We can all keep in touch during the summer this way!

 _GrangerDanger_ : Ron don't even think about it. You stay where you are.

 _TheBest_ : haha that's where we are

 _SecondBest_ : yeah Ron don't move ;)

 _QuidditchChamp_ : on second thought Hermione can I visit you?

 _GrangerDanger_ : yes Ron. Let me tell my parents you're coming over. Do not Floo over either. I don't want my dad having another heart attack.

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : oh how nice. I'd love to talk with you all. I see we're missing a few friends though. May I add someone?

 _TheChosenOne_ : course you can Luna. Who is it?

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : oh, just some other students I've befriended. Hope you don't mind too much.

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ added _PerfectPrefectPercy_ , _UCANTCANCELQUIDDITCH_ and _PrinceOfSlytherin_.

 _PerfectPrefectPercy_ : Luna what is this. I told you not to give anyone my user anymore. Oliver still hasn't left me alone.

 _UCANTCANCELQUIDDITCH_ : wait but aren't we mates? Don't you like me Percy?

 _PerfectPrefectPercy_ : Of course I like you. We live together and sleep in the same room. But I'd rather not talk about Quidditch at six in the morning before coffee.

 _GrangerDanger_ : So it's only ok after coffee?

 _TheBest_ : wait did Percy admit to liking someone!?

 _PerfectPrefectPercy_ : it's only you I don't like. Oliver doesn't snore, nor does he hog the covers. He does, however, make horrid coffee and make conversation at six in the morning before I'm awake.

 _SecondBest_ : WAIT ARE U TWO DATING. GASP FRED U KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE

 _TheBest_ : I do indeed my evil twin. Let us go and plan. :)

 _UCANTCANCELQUIDDITCH_ : ...do I want to know what they're planning? Anyway Per we gotta go we have dinner reservations.

 _PerfectPrefectPercy_ : yes, we do. Ron, make sure to get home at a reasonable hour. Granger keep him out of trouble. And someone do check on Ginny for me?

 _UCANTCANCELQUIDDITCH_ : PERCY COME ON I AM BY THE PORTKEY I AM READY TO GO.

**X X X X**

_PrinceOfSlytherin_ : why was I invited to this. Also has anyone seen Slacks?

 _TheChosenOne_ : wtf is Slacks and who invited YOU.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : Slacks is a who not a what and Luna did.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : seriously I can't find Slacks anywhere I am in distress.

 _GrangerDanger_ : she might be hanging out with Crookshanks I'll check.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : Thanks. She keeps wriggling out of her charmed collar and then wandering off. One day she's gonna get eaten by a wild dog and I'll never know.

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : cats are naturally wild. Slacks has a good aura, so she won't get into much trouble.

 _TheChosenOne_ : wait you have a cat?

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : yes. A little black cat with a crook in her tail I love her she's amazing. Luna that doesn't make me feel any better.

 _TheBest_ : guys we're spying on Percy right now. Who wants in?

 _SecondBest_ : THEY'RE HOLDING HANDS NOW

 _QuidditchChamp_ : pictures or it never happened.

 _GrangerDanger_ : Slacks is with Crookshanks. She's stolen his cat bed. With him in it.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : That's my perfect furry thief. Can you keep her for the night? Father just found the shoes she may or may not have scratched to all hell.

 _TheBest_ posted a picture: **[Percy kissing Oliver on the cheek while walking into a cutesy romantic restaurant]**

 _SecondBest_ : Oliver has called Percy babe twice and Percy has yet to kick up a fuss. I think they're serious.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : wait are you talking about the glasses wearing Weasley and the ex-captain of the Gryffindor team? They've been dating for months. I've seen them at the ministry together. They're so in love it's sickening.

 _QuidditchChamp_ : HOW DID THE FERRET KNOW BEFORE US. WHAT THE FUCK.

 _QuidditchChamp_ has removed _PrinceOfSlytherin_ from _It Is Law™_

 _GrangerDanger_ : Ron Weasley you add him back right now. He hasn't been rude once.

 _TheChosenOne_ : yet.

 _QuidditchChamp_ : Harry's on my side.

 _TheChosenOne_ : I'm always on your side. Unless you're wrong or Hermione is threatening me.

 _TheChosenOne_ : I have to go Sirius is picking me up to spend the rest of the summer with him. Once I'm settled I'll go ahead and call you guys.

 _TheBest_ : they're going to Oliver's place. It's a yes they're serious

 _PerfecfPrefectPercy_ : We live together Fred. As Malfoy said, we've been together for awhile. Has anyone checked on Ginny yet?

 _SecondBest_ : she's asleep on the couch

 _PerfecfPrefectPercy_ : take her to bed or I'll come over and do it. And mum still hasn't let me back through the wards so I'll set off the alarms and wake her up.

 _TheBest:_ ok ok geez I'll do it

 _GrangerDanger_ added _PrinceOfSlytherin_ to the group chat _It Is Law™_

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : ok first of all BITCH

 _SecondBest_ : oh no here comes the shit storm

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : WHY DID YOU REMOVE ME I WASN'T EVEN BEING MEAN.

 _SecondBest_ : ah yes rip into him u go blondie

 _GrangerDanger_ : DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM GEORGE.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK WEASLEY. I ONLY CONFIRMED THAT YOUR BROTHER AND WOOD WERE DATING? I GET MORE RESPECT FROM FIRST YEARS.

 _TheChosenOne_ : ok I'm about to leave but good god Malfoy get 'im.

 _QuidditchChamp_ : YOU'RE THE JERK HERE YOU FERRET. YOU CALLED HERMIONE MUDBLOOD AND YOU ALWAYS HATE ON US FOR BEING POOR AND YOU HURT HARRY AND STEAL FROM NEVILLE LUNA PROBS ONLY ADDED YOU BECAUSE SHE FELT SORRY YOU DONT HAVE ACTUAL FRIENDS YOU FUCK NUGGET

 _TheBest_ : oh

 _SecondBest_ : shit

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : ...

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : could we not fight? Ron that was really mean I added Draco because he's my friend and he's nice to me. I'm sure he's sorry about all of that and we were all pretty awful the first couple of years.

 _QuidditchChamp_ : HE'S STILL A BLOODY GIT LUNA. I BET YOU HE'S JUST LIKE HIS DEATH EATER DADDY AND HE'S ONLY NICE TO YOU TO GET TO THE REST OF US

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : this was obviously a mistake. I'll just leave now. Granger, I'll come by and pick up Slacks tomorrow at 8.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ has left the group chat _It Is Law™_

 _GrangerDanger_ : ...Ron you can forget about coming over. Fred, George, do whatever.

 _TheBest_ : will do boss woman

Private messaging between _SecondBest_ and _PrinceOfSlytherin_

 _SecondBest_ : hey you ok mate? Ron's just cross because mum won't let him go with her and dad to see Bill tomorrow

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : I'm fine George just a little angry. Idk I'll just play some piano and calm down.

 _SecondBest_ : good for you, don't let him get ya down you're too good for that

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : Thanks. I better go, mother will kill me if I'm late for dinner.

 _SecondBest_ :...call me after tho? We worry

 _SecondBest_ : and by we I mean me and Fred

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : yeah yeah whatever.

Back at _It Is Law™_

 _TheChosenOne_ : hey where's Neville?

 _LetMeBeWithMyPlants_ : has anyone seen Trevor

 _TheChosenOne_ has renamed the chat to _Where's Trevor?_

 _LetMeBeWithMyPlants_ : very funny Harry


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snape and Sirius need to chill and Draco hangs out on the roof because he's a Rebel™.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND LOOK WE'RE BACK. I'm glad this is amusing for the few people who've read it. I'd love some suggestions though, funny isn't usually what I do. I mean, just read literally anything I write. I am that Emo™ friend in my social circle. Lol I almost types emu. I AM RHE EMU FRIEND.
> 
> I haven't slept in like 24 hours. Same for most of these guys. Also I didn't check ANY timezone shit before I wrote this so correct me if I'm wrong.
> 
> Hermione - GrangerDanger
> 
> Ron - QuidditchChamp
> 
> Harry - TheChosenOne
> 
> Fred - The Best
> 
> George - SecondBest
> 
> Ginny - TheWeaslette
> 
> Neville - LetMeBeWithMyPlants
> 
> Luna - QuirkyIsMyAesthetic
> 
> Percy - PerfectPrefectPercy
> 
> Oliver Wood - UCANTCANCELQUIDDITCH
> 
> Draco - PrinceOfSlytherin
> 
> And now the "adults" are having a group chat. Sirius feels left out lol.
> 
> Sirius - TheSeriousDog
> 
> Remus - Mooney+Chocolate
> 
> Bill Weasley - PassTheBill
> 
> Charlie Weasley - IFuckingLoveDragons
> 
> Molly Weasley - TeamMom
> 
> Arthur Weasley - MugglesAreGenius
> 
> Lucius Malfoy - PurebloodLuce
> 
> Narcissa Malfoy - TheNarcissisticOne
> 
> Severus Snape - Ensnare-The-Senses

_TheSeriousDog_ created a group chat and named it _Super Secret Adults Only_

 _TheSeriousDog_ added _Mooney+Chocolate_ , _PassTheBill_ , _IFuckingLoveDragons_ , _TeamMom_ and _MugglesAreGenius_ to the group chat _Super Secret Adults Only_

 _Mooney+Chocolate_ : Sirius what is this. Why would you make this I'm literally in the same room as you?

 _TheSeriousDog_ : because! Not everyone is in the same area we NEED to keep in touch.

 _PassTheBill_ : mmkay no it's because the kids have their own gc and Harry won't let Sirius into it. I asked Ron.

 _Mooney+Chocolate_ : oh I see. If that's the case I'm inviting Severus so he can suffer with me.

 _Mooney+Chocolate_ added _Ensnare-The-Senses_ to the chat group _Super Secret Adults Only_

 _TheSeriousDog_ : WHY DID YOU INVITE SNIVELUS MOONEY NO

 _Ensnare-The-Senses_ : I am wondering that same thing. Lupin, I dearly hope you haven't been under the impression that we're friends.

 _Ensnare-The-Senses_ : Because we are not.

 _PassTheBill_ : d a m n

 _IFuckingLoveDragons_ : shit man fucking SLAY

 _TeamMom_ : Charlie! Don't use such vulgar language!

 _IFuckingLoveDragons_ : ...should I change my screen name then. Because I sorta like it.

 _IFuckingLoveDragons_ : but I am sorry mom.

 _TheSeriousDog_ : this is just a bad idea. Next we'd be adding the Malfoys.

 _TeamMom_ : well you know what.

 _TeamMom_ added TheNarcissisticOne to the chat Super Secret Adults Only

 _TeamMom_ : you can stay as long as you don't invite your husband. How's your son?

 _TheSeriousDog_ : oh god Molly N O not you too!

 _Ensnare-The-Senses_ : on second thought this is quite amusing. Is Draco still coming over for the weekend? I have the tickets to go see Guns N Roses.

 _TheNarcissticOne_ : Draco is fine! Thank you so much for asking. What about your kids, are they fairing well?

 _TheSeriousDog_ : WAIT WAIT you like Guns N Roses too?

 _TheNarcissticOne_ : Of course! Draco is just ecstatic that you're taking him along Severus.

 _Ensnare-The-Senses_ : good. Make sure he packs everything he needs. How long may he be out?

 _TheSeriousDog_ : am I being ignored wth

 _TheNarcissticOne_ : it's a Saturday right? He can be out until one am. I'll forgive it if he's out later. I won't tell Lucius.

 _Ensnare-The-Senses_ : I will keep that in mind.

 _Mooney+Chocolate_ : you're not suffering. You're supposed to suffer with me.

 _TheSeriousOne_ : are you ducking serious

 _PassTheBill_ : No, you're Sirius.

 _IFuckingLoveDragons_ : ducking

 _Mooney+Chocolate_ : ducking

 _TeamMom_ : language.

 _TheSeriousDog_ : DONT GANG UP ON ME.

 _TheSeriousDog_ : THIS IS BULLYING

 _Ensnare-The-Senses_ : ok no wait a second you stupid mutt.

 _Ensnare-The-Senses_ : you bullied me for seven fucking years. You got away with it because you were friends with James Fucking Potter and you were just so Abused™ at home.

 _TeamMom_ : oh dear

 _Ensnare-The-Senses_ : and for the first FOUR YEARS I was shorter than you. By at least six inches. You never had a reason for it either. I JUST WANTED TO BE FRIENDS WITH LILY SO WHAT THE FUCK.

 _Ensnare-The-Senses_ : you have no right to say you're being bullied. Ever. Please rot in hell.

 _Ensnare-The-Senses_ has left the group chat.

 _TheSeriousDog_ : whoa I didn't even have to kick him out! That's good.

 _PassTheBill_ : ...did that really happen? You bullied someone for no good reason? I mean. Just why?

 _Mooney+Chocolate_ : this was a very bad idea.

 _TheNarcissisticOne_ : um. Oh look I have to go do something ok bye.

X X X X

In the Group Chat _Where's Trevor_

 _SecondBest_ added _PrinceOfSlytherin_

 _SecondBest_ : why is Mum arguing with dad about Snape do you know?

 _TheChosenOne_ : He's back.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : I have no idea. Mother is having a screaming match with Father down stairs I can hear them from my room.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : it scares me when they start yelling.

 _TheBest_ : shit tho does anyone know why?

 _TheChosenOne_ : Remus and Sirius aren't arguing but they're not talking either they're just glaring at each other. It's uncomfortable.

 _GrangerDanger_ : sounds like it has to do with Snape. Maybe someone said something? Harry why don't you ask Remus? Ron/Fred/George one of you ask Bill or Charlie they might know.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : give me a minute I'm gonna call my mother and ask but I gotta get to the roof first.

 _LetMeBeWithMyPlants_ : why the roof?

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : better wifi on the roof. Juggling Laptop + phone si tough.

 _GrangerDanger_ : can anyone check on Snape though?

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : maybe I can! Neville does your grandmother know where Snape lives?

 _LetMeBeWithMyPlants_ : yeah. She visits him sometimes to have tea I think. Want me to ask her?

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : yes please! Draco how's it going with your call?

 _TheChosenOne_ : I can't get anything from Remus except that "Sirius is a damn idiot"

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : ok from what I got, Sirius made a typo, got teased, claimed he was being bullied, and Snape kind of blew up at him and then left without another word. And Sirius apparently is happy that he indirectly made him upset. That part I got from Mother though.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : I'll meet you there Luna. I'm spending the weekend with him anyway.

X X X X

 _GrangerDanger_ : so hey has the crisis been averted?

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : everything is fine! I left Snape's last night and he seemed ok. Just angry. Draco went home too. 

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : I'm on the roof again. With Slacks this time. I leave in a couple hours for Severus' house though.

 _SecondBest_ : I JUST PRANKED BILL I TURNED ALL HIS CLOTHES NEON GREEN

 _TheBest_ : HE THINKS IT WAS ME BUT I HAVE AN ALIBI

 _TheBest_ : GEORGE DOES NOT HAHAHHA

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : pfft good luck George. Hope you can run.

 _QuidditchChamp_ : I'm so glad I'm hanging out with Hermione right now.

 _QuidditchChamp_ : she says hi btw.

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : Is Harry with you?

 _QuidditchChamp_ : no he's at the burrow hanging out with Ginny and Fred. Why?

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : oh no reason just curious.

 _SecondBest_ : QUICK WHO IS AVAILABLE TO LET ME INTO THEIR HOMES TO HIDE

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : come over we can hide on the roof. I have snacks.

 _SecondBest_ : ON MY WAY HOPE YOUR DAD WON'T KILL ME

 _TheChosenOne_ : lol Bill is livid he wants to know where you went George. He's up here in yours and Fred's room.

 _SecondBest_ : no one tell him pls I haven't left yet

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : my parents aren't home btw. I'm waiting by the fireplace hurry up I hate typing on myy phone.

 _SecondBest_ : ON MY WAY

 _GrangerDanger_ : suspicious. George is suddenly far more eager to leave with that information...

 _SecondBest_ : what no? I just heard Bill. I'm with Draco now we're on the roof of the manor

 _SecondBest_ : right bbl he told me to put my phone away he has movies downloaded to his laptop

Private chat between _GrangerDanger_ and _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_

 _GrangerDanger_ : are Draco and George dating?

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : sorry I can't tell you I've been sworn to secrecy.

 _GrangerDanger_ : damn it Luna. TELL ME

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : how about no. You're like Harry you live off rumors.

 _GrangerDanger_ : I have an obligation to protect my bf's brothers ok. I love him ok and if his brothers get hurt he gets upset and I hate seeing him upset ok.

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : I'm telling Ron. :)

 _GrangerDanger_ : WAIT LUNA NO.

In the group chat _Where's Trevor_

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : I now have blackmail on Hermione.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : SHARE

 _GrangerDanger_ : Luna why I thought we were friends.

 _TheChosenOne_ : aren't you supposed to be watching a movie Malfoy? And what kind of blackmail Luna? I want in.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : it's paused George went to get more popcorn.

 _GrangerDanger_ : I'm blocking all of you.

 _SecondBest_ : hey I'm lost come find me

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : for fucks sake seriously? On my way stay where you are.

 _TheBest_ : Bill gave up bro you can come home

 _SecondBest_ : but movie

 _TheBest_ : touche

 _LetMeBeWithMyPlants_ : Luna where are you weren't we getting lunch?

 _TheChosenOne_ has changed the group chat name to _Where's Luna?_

 _LetMeBeWithMyPlants_ : Harry why.

 _TheChosenOne_ : :) because :) I can :) that's why :)

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : when he gets sassy af.

 _PerfectPrefectPercy_ : you're all so weird. George you should apologize to Bill when you get home. Malfoy take care of him.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : will do.

 _UCANTCANCELQUIDDITCH_ : Percy. Percy babe come on we have a lunch date with my dad.

 _TheChosenOne_ : :) good luck impressing him with your job Percy :)

 _GrangerDanger_ : why are you like this Harry? Where did we go wrong?

 _TheChosenOne_ : blame the internet.

 _GrangerDanger_ : oh I do.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : EVERYONE SHUT UP MY LAPTOP DOESN'T HAVE A MUTE BUTTON ON IT.

 _SecondBest_ : let us watch movies in peace ok

 _TheChosenOne_ : there can be no peace.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : I will kick your ass rn pls shut up.

 _TheChosenOne_ : invite me to your next movie night :/

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : ...we haven't really started the movie get over here.

 _QuidditchChamp_ : what just happened?

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : blackmail. :)

 _TheBest_ : #savage


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is a wanna be rebel, Ginny is used as bait, Luna knows things, Harry is a walking entity of sass, Percy is still making Oliver wait for literally everything, and Hermione is now co-mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes hello I'm a walking trash boat. Stay lit my friends.
> 
> Hermione - GrangerDanger
> 
> Ron - QuidditchChamp
> 
> Harry - TheChosenOne
> 
> Fred - The Best
> 
> George - SecondBest
> 
> Ginny - TheWeaslette
> 
> Neville - LetMeBeWithMyPlants
> 
> Luna - QuirkyIsMyAesthetic
> 
> Percy - PerfectPrefectPercy
> 
> Oliver Wood - UCANTCANCELQUIDDITCH
> 
> Draco - PrinceOfSlytherin
> 
> And now the "adults" are having a group chat. Sirius still feels left out lol.
> 
> Sirius - TheSeriousDog
> 
> Remus - Mooney+Chocolate
> 
> Bill Weasley - PassTheBill
> 
> Charlie Weasley - IFuckingLoveDragons
> 
> Molly Weasley - TeamMom
> 
> Arthur Weasley - MugglesAreGenius
> 
> Lucius Malfoy - PurebloodLuce
> 
> Narcissa Malfoy - TheNarcissisticOne
> 
> Severus Snape - Ensnare-The-Senses

In the group chat _Where's Luna?_

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : I think I'd like to dye my hair.

 _GrangerDanger_ : highlights would be cool honestly.

 _TheBest_ : dye your hair red so you can pretend to be a Weasley and confuse our parents.

 _QuidditchChamp_ : why though? You wouldn't get anything out of it?

 _TheChosenOne_ : what do you think would happen if I dyed MY hair red and just went back to school like that.

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : you'd give Snape a heart attack and that's not nice.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : hey what colors were you thinking.

 _GrangerDanger_ : idk what would go with me the best?

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : uuuhh don't know but I've got...blue, purple, pink, green...silver. I'm not even sure why. I know how to dye hair too. Used to do it for the gardeners daughter.

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : ooh I want blue!

 _GrangerDanger_ : would a silver streak look cool? Or purple?

 _SecondBest_ : silver would look neat

 _QuidditchChamp_ : if you're really gonna do it do purple. It'll stand out less and maybe your parents won't notice immediately.

 _GrangerDanger_ : nvm I just asked my mom she's cool. When are we doing this?

 _TheChosenOne_ : Ron don't try to be responsible you might hurt yourself.

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : I'm free Tuesday.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : same here. I can get everything set up by then.

 _TheChosenOne_ : why don't you dye your hair? Become Not A Malfoy.

 _TheBest_ : I dare you to dye your hair pink

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : was going to do that anyway.

 _SecondBest_ : N I C E

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : we can all do it at the same time! Oh this will be so l lovely!

 _QuidditchChamp_ : I'm coming too so that Malfoy won't hurt Hermione.

 _GrangerDanger_ : ok but what about Luna.

 _TheBest_ : We all know Luna will kick his ass

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : your belief in me fuels me. :)

 _TheBest:_ you're welcome Luna!

 _PerfectPrefectPercy_ : I woke up to the smell of potential blackmail.

 _QuidditchChamp_ : have you just been lurking this whole time?

 _PerfectPrefectPercy_ : I'm always watching.

 _UCANTCANCELQUIDDITCH_ : hey Percy what would happen if I told Bill you're avoiding him by texting in the bathroom.

 _PerfectPrefectPercy_ : you'll sleep on the couch that's what'll happen. And I woke up barely an hour ago he can sit his ass down and wait.

 _TheBest_ : #savage

 _TheChosenOne_ : RIP Oliver Wood

 _SecondBest_ : he lived a long life

 _TheBest_ : but gone too soon, killed by his own boyfriend

 _TheChosenOne_ : a shame

UCANTCANCELQUIDDITCH: this is why I didn't keep in touch fyi.

 _TheChosenOne_ : :)

X X X X

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : so we dyed our hair.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : don't tell father.

 _GrangerDanger_ posted a picture. **[Hermione with purple highlights, Luna with blue, and Draco with a single strip of pastel pink. Ron is behind them screaming]**

 _QuidditchChamp_ : THEY KEPT TOSSING HAIR DYE AT MEEE

 _TheChosenOne_ : pfft. So you dyed?

 _QuidditchChamp_ : How D A R E

 _SecondBest_ : akshdakhdsjk YOU LOOK CUTE WITH THE PINK

 _SecondBest_ : I MEAN PRETTY

 _SecondBest_ : I MEAN HANDSOME

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : This has been screenshotted and filed away. :)

 _TheChosenOne_ : hey George :) do you think :) you have :) some issues :)

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ : thanks George.

 _PrinceOfSlytherin_ has changed their name to _PrettyInPink_

 _PrettyInPink_ : Now lets hope my father doesn't see this.

Private messaging between _TheBest_ and _TheChosenOne_

 _TheBest_ : I s2g if they're not dating then they need to start

 _TheChosenOne_ : I second that. Pretty sure Luna knows if they're dating. But idk how we'd get her to tell.

 _TheBest_ : by fighting fire with fire Harry me boi, fire with fire...

 _TheChosenOne_ : I am concerned with your mental health.

X X X X

 _TheBest_ has added _TheWeaslette_ to the chat _Where's Luna?_

 _TheWeaslette_ : Fred why am I here?

 _QuirkyIsMyAesthetic_ : sadjsbjds HI GINNY how's it going?

 _TheChosenOne_ : Oh I see what you meant Fred.

 _TheBest_ : :)

 _PrettyInPink_ : ah its the female weasel.

 _TheWeaslette_ : ah its the gay malfoy.

 _PrettyInPink_ : ...touche Weasley.

 _SecondBest_ : they're getting along I'm so happy

 _TheWeaslette_ : for real tho I love your hair? The pink goes pretty well with how pale you are.

 _PrettyInPink_ : hence the new username Weasley.

 _PrettyInPink_ : but thanks.

 _TheBest_ : hey hey hey lets get back to the topic at hand!

 _TheChosenOne_ : right. So, first things first.

 _TheChosenOne_ removed _SecondBest_ and _PrettyInPink_ from the chat Where's Luna?

 _TheBest_ changed the chat name to _Tell Us Your Secretsss_

 _TheChosenOne_ : Ok Luna tell us are Draco and George dating?

 _QuirkyIsMyAethetic_ changed her name to _TellNoOne_

 _TellNoOne_ : I am sworn to secrecy.

 _TheBest_ : George is my bro I need to make sure he's making the right choices!

 _TheBest_ : and the right choice rn is to tap that ass

 _TellNoOne_ : ok but 1 Draco is asexual and 2 I AM NOT TELLING.

 _GrangerDanger_ : why did you need Ginny for this?

 _TheWeaslette_ : Explain later, but why can't you tell us Lunny bunny?

 _PerfectPrefectPercy_ : lunny bunny.

 _TellNoOne_ : akdsjdsk I JUST CANT

 _TellNoOne_ : YOU CANNOT MAKE ME TELL

 _TheChosenOne_ : Ginny will go on a date with you.

 _TellNoONe_ : adsbjadsk they're not dating YET but I know Draco has a massive crush on George.

 _TheBest_ : that was fast lol

 _TheWeaslette_ : I cannot believe I've been used as bait.

 _TheWeaslette_ : I'm free friday, pick me up at five.

 _TellNoOne_ : ajbfjkbfkjsfaskfsfj OK

 _PerfectPrefectPercy_ : use safety.

 _TheChosenOne_ : Percy is the mom friend.

 _GrangerDanger_ : wait I thought that was me?

 _QuidditchChamp_ : no you're the one who makes sure we don't die.

 _PerfectPrefectPercy_ : You're co-mom.

 _GrangerDanger_ : perfect.

 _TheBest_ : we should add Draco and George back in they're gonna get suspicious

TellNoOne: DELETE THE LAST MESSAGES ABOUT THEM DATING QUICK.

 _TheChosenOne_ added _SecondBest_ and _PrettyInPink_ to the chat _Tell Us Your Secretsss_

 _SecondBest_ : whats with the new chat name?

 _PrettyInPink_ : I'm more interested in why we got booted.

 _PerfectPrefectPercy_ : Don't scroll up.

 _TellNoOne_ changed her name to _PunkWeird_

 _PunkWeird_ : Don't scroll up pls.

 _PrettyInPink_ : LUNA HOW DARE YOU

 _SecondBest_ : you have a crush on me?

 _PrettyInPink_ : N O

 _SecondBest_ : private message me Draco

 _PunkWeird_ : If this goes wrong I blame Harry and Fred.

 _TheWeaslette_ : you still got a date out of it though.

 _PunkWeird_ : very true.

Private messaging with _SecondBest_ and _PrettyInPink_

 _PrettyInPink_ : ok so. Yes I've had a crush on you for almost a year now you're funny and you don't think its weird that I hang out on roofs and you're far too good looking for your own good.

 _SecondBest_ : thats good

 _SecondBest_ : because I've wanted to ask you out for like a full month

 _SecondBest_ : ...so wanna get coffee or something?

 _PrettyInPink_ : daulgfbdjla YES I'D LOVE THAT

 _PrettyInPink:_ and I'll pay no arguing with me.

 _SecondBest_ : whatever you say cutie

 _PrettyInPink_ : ASKDHF

In the group chat _Tell Us Your Secretsss_

 _PrettyInPink_ : thanks Luna me and George aren't friends any more is that what you wanted?

 _PunkWeird_ : NO THAT IS NOT WHAT I WANTED DRACO IM SORRY

 _SecondBest_ : Draco you're such a snake Luna he means we're dating now

 _TheChosenOne_ : ah yes Fred our plan worked perfectly.

 _TheBest_ : indeed

 _PrettyInPink_ : :)

 _GrangerDanger_ changed the chat name to _The Gays Took Over_

 _PerfectPrefectPercy_ : yes, yes we did.

 _PerfectPrefectPercy_ : everyone use safety and practice consent!

 _UCANTCANCELQUIDDITCH_ changed his name to _AlwaysWaitingForMyBaby_

 _AlwaysWaitingForMyBaby_ : Percy we have the Ministry dinner meeting to get to come on.

 _PrettyInPink:_ you're so domestic it's gross.

 _SecondBest_ : don't you want to grow old and be domestic with me?

 _PrettyInPink_ : don't make me come over there.

 _SecondBest:_ please do

 _TheChosenOne_ : stop flirting.

 _LetMeBeWithMyPlants_ : what I miss?

 _TheChosenOne_ changed the chat name to _Neville always misses everything_

 _LetMeBeWithMyPlants_ : HARRY

 _TheChosenOne_ : :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THE LAST PART GOT CUT OUT??
> 
> Well anyway it's fixed now. I'm so sorry.


End file.
